“Stories of Songs of Stories”, written on Friday, October 11, 2024

There’s this thing I sometimes catch myself wondering, often right after a serendipitous happening of, say running into someone while outside.

“For each coincidence that happened, how many almost happened but didn’t?”

For each event that did happen, one could argue both that – less could’ve almost happened since those that got close to happening, did so anyway; a kind of, round-up thing… while being equally potent when put the other way round, too.

How many songs did I play through before having shuffled it for another, while having missed something immense in its entirety?

Being an emphatic Pink Floyd fan, I recall finding vocals too divergent from the original track to warrant the track a full listening. That was it. A few seconds in, I recall skipping it for another. This was back in late 2018.

Years passed… before, in a certain balcony somewhere in 2020, I visually and explicitly recall passed over that track to choose another track from the same band – A cover of “Redbone”… and it (“Redbone”) set the tone for the music that evening. I sometimes wonder what would have come through had we played something else, instead… … … anyway:

Years passed later still… Briefly so – I once “(re)gained consciousness” one late evening, found myself in my bed atop a bunch of stuff while with headphones on…. and waking up an unfamiliar track playing. Finding a lost cover of an earlier track which I had overlooked years earlier, I left the headphones on, and this time… sat through the vocals… To be honest – more like I passed out (again) midway through them, however:

(At 3:28, ) I recall being roused into consciousness by the lull of that now-familiar deep-sounding, solid-body Gibson, quickly noticing the traditional Gibson-Sg (made famous by ACDC, ofcourse, atleast for me), now spinning clearly Jazz slices through shifty drums at about 5:01.

I recall sitting up and wondering how this was “overseen” by others (millions of views – this time, it was the other way round: I had missed what most others hadn’t), exactly then – the music kicked into that Pink Floydian, psychedelic blues, in a heavy blues underpinning as spelt out by that guitar. Partly due to being “in the state”, I recall welling up a bit at what I had looked over for years and years as each stanza saw the soloist hitting listeners with false-endings, closings – all the while raising tension, forcing to kneels, I’m sure, every last listening – to their most deeply-felt terrifying memory, fear, moment of cowardice, perhaps, or for others, the having-to feeling of knowing that they having nothing else to, well, simply have to, at times, let go and “have a cigar” knowing full well that nothing’s changed.

There, right there… on my cognitive perch, witnessing the before and after – I saw myself realize a new interpretation of that one Pink Floyd track that I couldn’t relate to as much as the others – Pink Floyd’s interpretation was (I’ll let their lyrics tell their story) “Sit down, boy, you’re going to be rich, <you have no idea what’s in store for that life of your’s, though>,”Have A Cigar” – that song, gave the prologue to a life’s story with – “Have a cigar for what you’re going to see!” – something like the anthem played to a standing army on its way to war. The “Have your cigar” that the Main Squeeze brought to me, with a Jazzy intro, signifying (to me), that cut-and-doge or every little to last thing that we all, I guess, try to slip from what’s thrown onto us. It honestly gets difficult to hum through it, yet, we force ourselves to strike melodies through a shifting background – don’t tell anyone, but I think that’s what Jazz literally is by the way: A bunch of people learning to appreciating someone who’s never learnt how to walk but mastered how to keeping falling in style. That’s jazz, right around which… it turned into that bluish black. This… this was the aftermath. The somber anthem playing as people shudder to guns firing as planes soar overhead, long after the glories of wars have sung and calms are now in haunt – it’s got this juxtaposed sense of piercing that leaves you realizing that everyone’s had that – “(Let me) Have a Cigar”. It’s lovely how, a cover, brought me think through so much of the aboves – especially how it brough a new interpretation to an old song with the opposite of an addendum (which is how, I guess, most other songs found new meanings with, for me). Every rise and fall of strings, especially towards the end, saw vengefully-fought climbs and unwilling descents… until what sounded like a well-fought forced resignation; a job well done.

Not in any direct or relevant way, but in terms of a butterfly effect or such, I mean it when I say that it’s nothing but a footnote for writer’s amusement, but I wonder how things would’ve turned out had I started out playing this track instead of Redbone’s, which, brilliant still… I don’t know, I digress – It’s going to be 10 years this 26th. That’s what keeps playing… I can’t help miss players who swore who’d have been with me, clearly seeing my hand in all of it, except for the last, in all its irony, still, it’s… I wonder where… everyone, are… and maybe I’m having trouble saying it – but, I know he’s still there somewhere, and that it all counts, counted and will count.

“Stories of Songs of Stories”,
written on Thursday, September 12, 2024

I’ve been meaning to write about Eric Johnson’s tribute to the late SRV (one of my favorite guitartists ever – from my custom signature Stratocaster – a tribute version to his very own, Number One), by this wonder track, titled Eric Johnson – S.R.V. which presented SRV’s melodies and licks, both in both fine blends of his own and Stevie’s, while towards the end, lovingly, sees a few seconds of SRV’s tone-perfect notes falling out of Eric’s – despite being “the same”, that “brother from another mother” feeling had this intentional coming-short-of-1:1 to have this… true “tribute” to SRV – not a blatant rip-off.

To that meaning, I realized that it wasn’t a common theme in any sense, in that we’re all living to someone’s and or something’s tribute. I thought I’d take this particular version of “Story of Songs of Story” to bring to light all the space I’ve got in my heart for the Chillstep community – some of the people who helped pull me through 2013/2014… which was when the Chillstep scene just began “coming on”, when I mean that, I mean the conglomeration of similarly-tracked titles to find a name elsewhere from dubstep-ridden compilations (which unto themselves, were great, but there was a subset of folks who didn’t want to find their laid-back moving music interspersed with too-hard-hitting beats, bells and such), while trying to still live on to the whole point of the theme of “Tribute“

To that honour, by the time I had arrived as audience to scene, people spoke of legends who had left the scene. I didn’t find “legend” nor “scene” of substance in the scene I came across then, but I kept an open mind as I went through discographies as much as I could – most of which are dead now, back then, there were just mostly individual sharing single from most music-makers who were seemingly NOT on YouTube, for some reason. Anyhow, some of the legends from back then, still live on, from CMA to Oliver Lie (Originally called Electus). 

I could speak of mean, but in context of Tribute, I first heard the tributes paid to this apparent legend called “Blackmill“, apart from a stunning title, had beautiful cover art for:

CMA made a track titled “Blackmill” 12 years ago. I recall listening to it and going, well, it was “alright”, the feel seeming quite familiar to a lot of the songs in terms of that distorted bass-like effect, the melody being interesting, still. Kiilligrew, had this track called “Blackmill“, too. I recall finding this song falling short of calling it a “good forever listen”, but I recall appreciating where I could sense they were trying to take the genre to, while leaving touches of their own sonicbrushes. 

Then, I recall, at UF, just around my first birthday there, when I began to feel warm again, I came across this track by Andreas B:

Andreas B. – The Way You | Tribute to Blackmill.

Despite the seemingly-truncated title, it had in its title – Tribute to Blackmill

I absolutely loved this track. It had this unique blend that Chillstep was struggling for years to give birth to – it was great to find artists all finding their places in (my and our own) history. Personally, it was one of those fine fusions of the signature tones that several artists wanted – I don’t mean to crown this track as one of the “finest tracks ever”, my point being, within Chillstep, its time and for the few people who birthed this genre for love than money, made it feel so pure and lovely. Also, it’ll take a few writings on its own; For me to bring out what Chillstep was and is to me.

That made me go back to learn about Blackmill, after years of having listened to a lot of mediocre (with no insult to the makers themselves, ofcourse) Chillstep… I clicked on what I recall was a familiar title and image that I had seen from years and years ago:

“Reach for Glory” : The album(‘s name) made in 2011. Within 10 seconds, I honestly felt something I recall feeling sitting alone back in that mall before and after things happened – they had a lot of personal references which wouldn’t make sense here, but beyond that… I realized what this kid (turns out he was 15 – 17 or something), took simple chords, made simple progressions, and voiced them, in a way that was Dubstepish, but not quiet, and not MelodicDubstep, either. I saw how countless others blandly failed and tried to imitate the instrumental tones that he had produced. Everything from that bold and daring statement, daring to reach for glory from the very debut… glowed with some sense of divinely-greenlit yet seemingly wanton power.

2011! I honestly just couldn’t quiet grasp that level of production and pioneering for fun at home, and whatever. The album was good, too. 

I re-fell in love with Chillstep in Seattle following that discovery of an ancient (in Chillstep-years), album.

I then hear… that Blackmill, this legend himself, subtly… SUBTLY, names an entire album after this guy, HOME:

I’m like, there’s no way – this album by itself cover and title, in itself, I’d love to write an entirety about; it struck me deep. He never confirmed nor denied it, also, the rumors were on forums and YouTube comments. I did come across quite a few tracks of HOME‘s, but they were all mediocre-sounding (in my then-premature judgement), and I didn’t get what everyone was fussing about. I then heard this track, which brought me to countless listening’s to tears since:

Dusk by HOME

I’d have to write about this track separetly by itself. In “moments of bliss” and under this track, I’ve “witnessed” everything from the first-person view of left-behinds on Earth as survivors leave orbit under a red giant of a sun, to the birth of consciousness as people first began to see themselves. After years of listening, I later found details of how he makes his music- he’s basically an analog synth lord – all analog. His X profile shows: Randy (@RNDYGFFE) / X

I realize how the order of love, in this personal chain for me, was a lovely sense in itself: Aurora B. Polaris et al -> Blackmill -> HOME

I can’t help but think, JnX was the equivalent of HOME, for me. Sometimes I think… how it must feel to be someone like JnX or HOME; to know that you can die in peace knowing you’ve made the world a better place, though JnX may not have felt that way on his death bed.

I love how we’re all trying to be our best often in love or tribute of things, people, concept – whatever, that we love. In quick passing, I recall people celebrating how this legend made this particular track during a live stream somewhere while fans suggested him for ideas en live as he gave them feedback till completion (as alluded in the description): Electus – I’ll Miss You Forever. I could have a writing for this track in itself, but this track, perhaps contained the love and tribute of a lot of people in that particular stream of creation that gave this song a signature sense way back when it was released. 

I don’t know… all the world’s a tribute to both everybody and thing that came before, to (our) posterity for whom we choose to stay living for… and God’s unsearchable presence and compass in this all…

“Stories of Songs of Stories”,
written on Friday, February 24, 2023

I personally think 2016 was when “mindless” dubstep graduated, or mellowed-out to mainstream chillstep. I’ve always mentioned that, along the literally 1000s of indie tracks I’ve sampled, there’s always this one unmistakably unique song, which comes around at the right time, to make the right sense and sometimes… it finds more meaning when having have been had listened to for the first time with a then-thought, “right” person…. that last bit’s is a story for some other day, maybe.

The first day of January-2016 was also when I first came back to the US to be at UF. I stayed at this AirBnB (which was coincidentally hosted by a Saudi – this already took me in time) when I was reached Gainesville. A few days later, I had gotten off the bus for the first time, at the helipad stop on the way back from UF, at around 8 P.M… early in January, it was especially cold given the wind. Freezing, I recalled that I had my headphones with me and hurriedly put them on, quite soon after realizing that I hadn’t listened to music since I had gotten off the plane. I thought I’d try listening to new music and decided to put on something new (which, to the best of my memory, was SoundCloud).

… This song began playing. I began realizing that the last time I had been there was when JnX was there just 2 years prior. The feeling that I had “made it back” but him not being around to have seen, didn’t feel right, and I recall distinctly recall feeling sickly cold, right around when the cellos kicked in… and, for first of the only few times since – I recall “hearing” the cold. I’m sure where I was, had to play as well. But, this (of 2 songs), when listening-to in the right moments, still makes my hair stand in recollection of conjunctions of such mixed feelings… which viscerally makes me feel cold.