By this point, it might be obvious that I’ve begun to treat this site more of an open dump-of-the-mind than a repository, really – also, it isn’t like these walls of texts are in the face of the few 100s of visitors per month, who usually find their way to the guidebook, and art followed by research, if Google analytics is accurate. That being said, here’s another unsolicited mind vomit.
In regard to events of recent terms: I think it’s only as self-evident as it can be – there’s this saying that talks about how some people shake hands with their right but hold on to a rock in the left behind their back, at all times – and how you don’t have to see the rock in your face to learn of said people. Well, if you did get the rock, however… the reaction and pull-back is reflexive – It’d take effort , if at all, to force any semblance of being unperturbed, in fact. Also, inb4 walking stoic-chad – no, I’m obviously writing about it, obviously implying something – I obviously feel sick about it, that being said, here’s else-what:
I think time, cumulation, mutual exclusion, etc… are all interestingly comparable or atleast their derivates are, on some level or in cross. I think… it takes time, unfortunately, for a lot of things to come to “meaningful” fruition; took way too long to snap out of my fallout with things after that someone had to leave this life (and world of ours), apart from me being obviously responsible for my own doings and such, I think there was still this brief “optimum” period during which, well, I think there’s this red lobster somewhere, with certain references attached. The irony of things … oh, how they mount, almost, melodically.
On invention/patent citation #3
I came to know about this patent citation late in December, a few days after the obviously then-looked-forward to date of the 18th. Bundesdruckerei is an 1879 German (cross-domain) security company (from making bank-notes to all things digital concerning money, the people who won the global contract for the crypto that stores e-passport info and so on)
What’s different about this one, was that it was one of 8 patent citations added by the examiner. Why this is significant is because, for example, citing 2 reputable sources online:
- “When a patent is cited, it also indicates that the examiner knew about this particular patent and still considered your invention patentable (as mentioned by GoldsteinPatentLaw).”
- “When a patent is cited, it signifies that the examiner was aware of the referenced patent but still deemed the applicant’s invention worthy of a patent grant (as mentioned by Minesoft)”
Notice it says it says patent – mine was a paper, but was cited amidst patents with the above-mentioned qualifiers. I was reached-out to only later, and… I don’t know, but, I’ll let you figure out the state of things/blessed outcomes given this, but here’s…. when … here’s where I genuinely uhm… I don’t know – here’s the whole point of this wall of text… time over things and the other way round together is what makes anything value able – atleast for me, given how it’s going to be 10 years “chasing”/”since” a certain dying, I’ve found anything even truly remotely emphatically meaningful – in a
certain comradeship, if one must, atleast only during a certain fleeting period, far from anytime close to today.
Simply put – people from “back when it was directly relevant to artifacts in question” (example – co-authors, in this particular citation, I had none, but I had people/persons who helped, I’ll just say I’m still thankful, but they’re not “around”). As time went on, the mid/late ’20s, more or less, “comradeship” fell through largely due to my own genius. There’s something being able to relate via sharing of life and the experience of death, the combined aftermath, and going-through of life and so on… The moment I heard from folks on implications of the citation, it was a couple of days after the 18th – like I said, the whole rock-in-the-face, I felt, I don’t know how to put this, but perhaps only folks who’ve fucking had to watch young, beautiful people fucking die over time, and having to bury them while still young, I’d expect to understand:
You know that feeling when the obvious but life’s certain every once-in-an-every-something breaks you, you find yourself rushing to that special someone who had to just fucking die, and then, since they’re gone, you(r mind/being) instantly rush to the only or next closest-known “feeling of home, almost, even, as unto the departed themself”; people/persons/person – who honestly, I don’t know how to put this other than – helped you, unconsciously, apart from, as mentioned, being a comrade, helped to not feel like a bot programmed to do something purely because something was instilled in, maybe, I don’t know, things that come of deathbed promises and the sickest follow-up to things after it, but loved ones know this – it felt, and here’s the whole point of this rant, it’s sick in terms of time… but, I know, for a fact that… I did not feel like I was, something just and only trying to ensure this person who fucking died doesn’t – I don’t know, loved ones know enough – the point is, I know I, beyond just feeling that I existed to pertain to the above-referenced, I genuinely felt, and largely so, that there could be meaning salvaged out of life post-death – turns out that comradeship is something else, empathy to life and death, as it seems, is un-emulatable, here’s where it’s scary, I don’t think I can “sense” by means of any other vector… that, is a strong dependency of time/history, it’s… it’s been so long since it’s been “the same team”.
On invention/patent citation #4, 2 and 1
Took me “collated days of effort” (inb4 lucidity check) to “type” this out. Fact being, man, I wish, I wish people weren’t fucking dead or gone, man, sure do I wish the people who knew death to have to have NOT gone, and man, do I wish for the only comrade to have NOT left, and I wish time was merciful to us all – the living and the dead, and the ones living after the dead, for God’s sake, my fucking I-don’t-know-what-to-say, it’s going to 10 fucking years, the only fucking things that made sense in living human fucking ways – all this, after so many years after, for fuck’s sake… my point is, it’s one thing being unable to reach out to the angel who’s dead, it’s a fucking shame to have not cut things to have atleast worked comradeship.
inb4 where lucidity
Anyway, maybe, if I can, ffs, I don’t know, in some time, I’d love to, maybe still write about the uniqueness of invention citation #4 (1 of 2 citations in total in a single Government invention), and – the 3rd citation involving contributing to an invention powering Britain’s largest telecom company, as ever in, my God, people know, God knows, my sleepless, working, everything – in memory, both the angel and the other angel who had to fucking die, and the comrade who honestly helped make life still feel like it still involved (the) living – as ever – for being unable to directly make mention to, and my parents and other survivors of this sickness approaching its 10th year… I pray God mercies the rest of us, heavens, please it’s been 10 years and it feels so tiring to still choose on a daily basis, where’s the “same team”, or what we still had, which was so much.
